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05.09.08The Five D’s of Dodgeball
I’m playing in a dodgeball tournament today. My strategy is to stick to the five D’s of dodgeball as taught by Patches O’Houlihan.
This is my training regimen as I prepare to relive my middle school years throwing balls at people- thus feeling better about myself.
Dodge
I have two kids. Both about waist level. Both like to punch their dad. So yeah, I’ve gotten pretty good at moving out of the way of a lethal blow. Risk is important in dodgeball.
Dip
I couldn’t figure out how to train for this one so I put away some Fritos with bean dip. Nutrition is important in dodgeball.
Duck
I try to make snide remarks to my wife in hopes that she would throw a Campbell’s soup can at me. So far I’ve been effective and as a result, I’ve gotten pretty good at ducking. Although our marriage has taken a hit. Sacrifice is important in dodgeball.
Dive
I find that lunging for the remote control before another member of my family gets to it has been very useful. I’ve been able to fine-tune my timing with the added bonus retaining power over the television. Control is important in dodgeball.
Dodge
Walking into busy traffic and avoid being hit is just sound strategy. This translates well to the turbulent world of dodgeball. Dodging 1 out of 10 vehicles is like batting .900. Odds are important in dodgeball.
I hope these tips help you become a world-class dodgeball player.
“I never smile if I can help it. Showing your teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.”
